Dating expert relationship tip
My parents advised what they did in their own marriage: “both of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.” They meant it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous.
That 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something.
The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation.
Typically, when a relationship is under stress, one of the partners asks for physical space to break the tension. The best way to incorporate space is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space.
Thinking that they’re always going to be in a good mood and directing their affectionate attention towards me — while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term. If you’re looking for someone to complete you —or vice versa—you’re looking in the wrong direction for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment that you truly seek.
In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving.
To do this, partners need to allow each other the space to be themselves and to have their experiences without trying to control the outcome or think that you are responsible for their lives and reaction.
It’s hard work and takes practice, but the rewards are well worth the effort.
When I learned that I’m responsible for my own happiness and when I learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world transformed.
I now have the freedom to choose if and when I spend time with someone else, and I deliberately choose to spend time with others who get this, too.